One of my childhood nicknames was Hallmark. I was the kid that made greeting cards for everyone and filled them with heartfelt words, expresssed in language beyond my years. As I got older and caught up in the blurr of life, I drifted onto the path where being busy was an acceptable excuse for not reaching out to others. There were more phone calls from telemarketers than from family and friends and text messages devolved from words to letter soundbites to emojis — even Facebook had an options for those way too busy to post by way of the poke or wave. Like so many people, I didn’t have time to talk to anyone who wasn’t providing me with something I needed and once the day wound down by the time I remembered I hadn’t spoken to my family or friends in a while, I’d glance at the clock and realize I was probably the only one who wasn’t asleep.

As we made the leap from television and radio to online streaming, the world became louder. We hear about everything moments after they occur. From people of power called out for tweets gone wrong to every new varient of the coronavirus discovered, to every fire, flood and frivolous fanfare, we are bombarded by the noise of the world. Yet, we are deafened by the silence of our lonliness. Even when I found myself sitting across from friends in person or virtually, I recognized how disconnected I’d become from people I actually had relationships with. We’d bounce from one meaningless topic to another until one of us blurted out the words of saving grace “Well, I gotta get going. Chat soon?” Yeah, right…..more like the Jamaican’s say “soon come” (meaning sure someday, some indefinite time in the future or maybe even NEVER) and as I slipped back into this life of mine that I thought was so busy, I turned up the volume of the noise of the world to drown out the loudness of my lonliness.

As my sons got older, I decided to teach them how to not get lost in the so-called busyness of life. After all, if it weren’t for them desperately trying to be heard by the adults in their lives, I might not have been able to re-direct myself onto a path that allowed me to be a less busy, more attentive human more generous with her time. As awkward as it can be, I make it a point to tell the people in my life regularly how I feel about them. We all want the people who matter to us to tell us the things people only say to each other in the movies. I want to hear how I make others feel. I want to hear that I am loved. I want to be thanked and I want to know that people are glad I’m around. I’m not looking for praise or popularity. I just want to feed the part of my soul that needs the comfort of feeling that I matter and that I have a purpose. If my soul’s yearning for a little uplifting and reassurance occasionally, I’m sure everyone’s is too. So I started with the three men in my life — my sons and my husband.

I know at any time, someone in our little family pod could die and should I go first, I don’t want them to wonder what they meant to me. I tell them I love them of course, but most of all, I hilight what it is I love about them, why I admire them, what makes me proud and why they are important — not just to me but to our community and to society. I believe that people, especially young people need to understand that they are important and that their existence is vital to the world. I think people need to hear that whether they are blessed with a long life or a concentrated one, what they think and do and what they bring to the table truly matters. The look on their faces as they process this information, the pause in the phone conversation after hearing these words allowed me to see and hear that my words have stirred up something positive within them. My younger son told me that the day I told him why he was important, they weight of the burden he was bearing became more tolerable. He told me knowing he was important made him feel stronger and more confident and he was able to say the same to others in his life. When I said the same thing to my older autistic son, he stared at me for what seemed like an eternity, smiled and hugged me and whispered “thank you Mom,”.

There are two songs that come to mind when I think of how necessary it is for us to un-busy ourselves so that we can connect with each other. I think of Five for Fighting’s 100 Years that reminds us that in the blink of an eye we are 15, 35 and 99 and I realize that if we don’t remember to say what we need to say when it matters, which is the essence of John Mayer’s, Say, we may go to our graves saying nothing at all. I don’t want that to happen to me so I make the time to reach out to that person who pops into my mind while I’m working or driving around. I try to plan some kind of outing for my group of girlfriends every two months or so and my bulletin board has post it notes to shoot person A or B a text to see how they are. I remember at the end of every staff email I send to thank them for bringing their unique talents to my autistic son’s life and remind them that we see and appreciate how much they do to enhance his life every day. These are the people who show up everyday to help my son and they do it not because they get paid, but because we give them the same love and kindness they show our son.

We can reverse drug use, depression, sadness, anxiety and suicide if we make the time to show love and kindness. A text, an email, a phone call or a face to face conversation brings as much joy to the giver as it does to the receiver. Mindfully chattting less about myself and finding out more about someone else lifts me up in ways material things cannot. Even people who begin a conversation by telling me they don’t have time, take a breath and slow their speech and they tell me the truth about how life’s been treating them. People need to talk. We need to listen. It’s important because they are important and life is short and they need to know while they are alive that they matter.

So I challenge you to realize you aren’t busier than anyone else. I challenge you to tell someone the things you would like someone to tell you…tell them something that you thing would lift them up and bring a smile to their face or give them that little confidence boost they might be looking for. If you do it once, I promise you you’ll do it for the rest of your life.